Bob posted this comment: "I broke up with my cooky making soulmate. She ate Delilah. She's a carnivore apparently! I could show her who is the REAL carnivore in the house. But I was too destressed with the death of my one and only... I feel like no one has understood me as well as that mighty young sheep... Even you, Dr Rubens! And you referred to this book "Twilight".... I hate it! It mocks everything a proud vampire has/does. I am not satifsfied. At all. This is too much for me. First, all of my friends make fun of me and do not see the masculine side of vampires 'cause they think I have a skin problem (shining in the light) and I seem to poke myself with a toothbrush - that explains the smell of blood. Goodbye, as I am off to Saskatchewan. My friend Delilah's been eaten...
Yours, the only lonely and misunderstood vampire in the world,
Bob"
Bob,
I'm so sorry to hear that you broke up with your mate. I'm sure that eating Delilah was an accident. I think my glittery friend, that is time to move on to new mates. I think that visiting London would be highly therapeutic. At the very least seek out the O'Malleys in Forks. They are a clan of vegetarian vampires. I'm sorry you don't see the good side of Twilight, but I can see your objections to the publicity of vampires. I hope for the hole in your heart to be filled.
Good Luck,
Dr Rubens
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I bought a house in Notting Hill. As far away from Derbyshire as possible. As I can't go back to Zimbabwe due to horrific experiences (racoon friend killed) I will stay in London, hoping to meet some other vampire. I did not meet anyone yet but I guess I'm pretty immortal so I have quite a lot of time to wait. I'll keep my identity anonymous (I know I just told the whole world I'm a vampire, however they do not know how I look like! Nom nom nom...).
ReplyDeleteI shall wait till your next helpful comment. Meanwhile, I'll go visit Delilah.
R.I.P. baby!!!!!!!!1
Bob